If you could spend four years at any fictional high school from an ’80s movie or TV show, where would you enroll?
Would you hang out with Spicoli at Ridgemont High? Serve Saturday detention with the Breakfast Club at Shermer High? Shoot hoops for Hickory? Learn the African Anteater Ritual at Crandall High?
Or would you make your decision based on one simple criterion: Which school gives me the best chance of actually surviving until graduation?
This week on Stuck in the ’80s, Steve and Brad are going back to school to pick the fictional high schools of the 1980s we’d most like to attend — along with the campuses we’d avoid at all costs.
But before we hand out our imaginary enrollment forms, we meet two teachers who have somehow managed to turn our favorite decade into an actual high school class.
Yes, There’s Really a High School Class About the ’80s
Todd Shriver and Shawn Curtis are high school teachers in Indiana who get to do something Steve would happily sign up for tomorrow: teach a class about the 1980s.
Todd and Shawn join the podcast to explain how the class came about, the subjects they cover and how today’s teenagers react to the music, movies, history and pop culture of the decade.
They’ve also managed to interview an impressive collection of ’80s celebrities as part of the experience.
So if Steve ever does make good on his occasional threat to become a high school teacher, we now know which class he’s pitching first.
The ’80s High Schools We’d Actually Attend
Let’s start with Ridgemont High from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Ridgemont was also the overwhelming favorite among our listeners, and we can understand why. Aside from Mr. Hand, the teachers seem reasonably tolerant. The mall is nearby. Pizza can apparently be delivered directly to class. And Spicoli seems like he’d be entertaining in small doses.
Then there’s Weemawee High from Square Pegs. Popularity might be difficult to achieve, but there’s always the possibility of getting invited to Buffy’s bar mitzvah and seeing Devo perform.
Hickory High from Hoosiers also makes the list. The school spirit is incredible, the basketball team eventually becomes pretty darn good and, given the size of the student body, Steve and Brad might actually make the roster.
We’re also intrigued by Crandall High from Can’t Buy Me Love. It’s Arizona, so you can eat lunch outside. There’s plenty of school spirit. And someday the African Anteater Ritual could become an important life skill.
Then there’s Rydell High from Grease 2. Yes, we know the original Grease takes place in the 1950s, but Grease 2 arrived in 1982 and gives us another look at Rydell, where apparently everyone is capable of breaking into a perfectly choreographed musical number about sex or bowling at a moment’s notice.
We can work with that.
And then there’s Shermer High, the center of the John Hughes universe.
The fictional Chicago suburb appears affluent, the schools seem pretty good and the house parties are excellent. Depending on which movie we’re living in, we might even encounter Ferris Bueller, Samantha Baker or the Breakfast Club.
Just don’t get Saturday detention.
The ’80s High Schools We’d Avoid at All Costs
Not every fictional school deserves five stars on GreatSchools.
Take Ampipe High from All the Right Moves. Unless your career goal involves the local steel mill, we’re not convinced the guidance counselor has a lot of options for you.
Then there’s Beaumont High from Footloose.
The teachers aren’t particularly inspiring. The town’s adults seem determined to make teenagers miserable. And dancing is illegal.
Hard pass.
Westerburg High from Heathers is even easier to eliminate. Brutal social hierarchy. Questionable friendships. Multiple murders.
We’re pretty sure the mortality rate alone should knock a few points off the school’s ranking.
Then there’s Springwood High School from A Nightmare on Elm Street.
It looks like a perfectly ordinary high school until you remember there’s a supernatural child murderer attacking teenagers in their dreams.
Falling asleep in history class was dangerous enough when we were teenagers. We didn’t need Freddy Krueger involved.
Finally, there’s Bunker Hill Military Academy from Taps. The school is closing, the locals don’t particularly like the students and there’s an increasingly good chance that Timothy Hutton is going to get everybody killed.
Otherwise, great place.
And What About Hawkins High?
We also have to give an honorable mention to Hawkins High School from Stranger Things.
Yes, Stranger Things is a modern TV series, but Hawkins High is very much an ’80s high school.
Unfortunately, it also has vicious social cliques, bullies, an administration seemingly incapable of protecting anyone and the persistent possibility that something from another dimension is going to kill you.
We’ll pass.
Our Listeners Pick Their Favorite ’80s High Schools
We asked Stuck in the ’80s listeners which fictional high school they’d choose, and one answer dominated:
Ridgemont High.
But listeners also made convincing arguments for Square Pegs, Grease 2, Better Off Dead, Summer School, Three O’Clock High and the John Hughes universe.
There were even votes based on career preparation. One listener chose Three O’Clock High because Jerry Mitchell worked for the school newspaper.
We approve of this reasoning.
Take Your Love of the ’80s to Sea
Want to spend a week surrounded by people who still love the music, movies and pop culture of the decade as much as you do?
Join Stuck in the ’80s aboard The ’80s Cruise. We’ll be back at sea hosting trivia, recording podcasts and celebrating the decade alongside thousands of fellow ’80s fans and an incredible lineup of artists.
When you book your cabin, use promo code STUCK to receive $250 in onboard cabin credit.
Class dismissed.
See you at sea.